Sick and waiting….

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I started this month very rah rah and optimistic and upbeat. I really wanted to kick some butt with my weight and health. And, then I got sick about a week into September. First, I’m going to tell you a secret. I’m a hypochondriac. A big, fat hypochondriac. It’w weird, because I wasn’t always like this. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve just felt more and more conscious that I could die from some disease and that that’s life. It upsets me that I have to really work to not have these thoughts. The logical part of me knows that I am in no imminent danger. That it is unlikely my headache is really a symptom of a concussion or that I have a tumor that is slowly causing my death, or that the cut on my foot will become an infection that will lead to amputation. But, I can’t keep myself from worrying about all the bad things that can happen.

Two weeks ago, I had to go to the doctor because I have uveitis –again. It’s basically an eye inflammation, and it could be caused by a number of things and it could be a symptom of a number of diseases. So….it could be anything. It could be random, or it could be a part of a larger illness. I had uveitis back in college about 8 years ago. In fact, it was the only time I had been to the doctor in years. Another weird “quirk” of mine–I’m deathly afraid of doctors and hospitals. I have anxiety attacks. my blood pressure skyrockets. Sometimes my pulse slows. Th last time I went to the doctor I fainted. I hate it. So, back to my uveitis. It has come back–which doctors warned me could happen during my first occurrence. The first time I got it, it took me about a week before I braved the doctor–I thought I had pink eye and I tried to heal myself through natural remedies. A big no-no, as uveitis is pretty serious and by the time I went to the doctor I was in the most pain I’ve ever been in my life. I have a low threshold for pain, so take what I write with a grain of salt. This time around, despite my fear of doctors still being incredibly great and ridiculous, I went in on the 3rd day of eye pain and was diagnoses pretty early. Hopefully that means I won’t have it for long. I’m hoping I’ll be good to go in about 6 weeks. Meaning, I won’t be relying on medicine in my eye every two hours to feel good.

My gym excursions have lessened in these last two weeks because, well, I can’t exactly drive to the gym with my sight being the way it is. But, that’s an excuse. I can do workout dvds or other exercise around my home. I just kind of feel crappy. I’ve been wearing my glasses. My eyesight is blurry and I feel like I’m not me. I can’t wait until this is fixed because I hate feeling like I’m sick. I hate having to put eyedrops in every two hours. It’s been so stressful and I cannot wait until it’s done.

So, to not be a complete debbie downer I’ll end with this….I have some pretty exciting news that I’ll take time to write about in my next post. Until then, I’m going to try to re-energize myself and finish this month strong and healthy!

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